Our Dating Story...
We met at Red Lobster for a cousin’s birthday party in 2005 and spoke several times in our church parking lot over the following 6 weeks.
We attended a bible study one Saturday evening, a group date and then exchanged email addresses. After observing one another's spiritual maturity level and having it confirmed by trusted friends and family, we began dating with the sole intent of determining if our God given assignment and visions aligned. By the way, I thought she was cute too ;-)
Shortly thereafter we decided to start dating exclusively. At that time we set up some boundaries that we believed would help keep our relationship holy before God and help prepare us for possible marriage in the future. We came to the agreement that we would not kiss (not so much as a peck on the cheek), not touch outside of holding hands or the ‘Christian’ hug, not have inappropriate conversations (rehearsing sexual fantasies with one another or any kind of conversations that would lead to lust), not visit one another’s home, maintain a 10:00 p.m. phone curfew, and maintain a 10:00 p.m. general curfew.
By the grace of God, we would go on to spend the greater part of the next 22 months getting to know one another at Starbuck’s, Border’s bookstores and local restaurants.
Those boundaries not only helped us to resist physical temptation, but they caused us to learn to genuinely love one another in the absence of physical affection. They also gave us the time, space and clarity to examine some of our own personal issues—present and past. Last, the boundaries helped us to stay focused so that we could make wise decisions regarding the idea of spending the rest of our lives’ together. Once we knew for sure that we were going to marry one another, we were able to start laying out on paper what we felt God’s purpose for our marriage might look like.
All of this was took place without the haze of lust, unresolved wounds from the past and an over-anxiousness to get married clouding our view.
During those 22 months, we looked for Christian role-models who were willing to push the limit on holiness in dating relationships and who really saw the value in dating solely with a "Kingdom purpose" in mind. When we found very few, we recognized that God was setting us up to lead by example and to model to others the possibility and joy of maintaining holiness in dating. We were led to capture some key lessons that we could pass along to other Christians as it pertains to this topic.
We wanted to share with you a little bit about us, where we came from and how we got to this point for several reasons.
One reason is to serve as encouragement for those of you out there who feel that your past has disqualified you from receiving God’s best in a relationship. The Bible says in Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” (KJV) If that is you, allow God to free you from the guilt and shame of your past. We both should have been disqualified, but if He did it for us, He will do it for you too!
Another reason is to dispel the myth that you have to “kick the tires” before you "buy the car". We encountered many people who told us that we would experience a difficult adjustment period once we got married, due to the manner in which we dated. We are pleased to announce that our first year of marriage was great and even better than what we expected.
The last reason (that we will mention at this time) is to let you know that the topics, view points and advice that we share with you are coming from “real” people who know what it is like to live life in Atlanta as young, black, urban professionals. Having overcome a worldly lifestyle, by the grace of God, we have a clear understanding of what it is like to transition out of that life and into a new life with Christ that raises the bar on holiness as a single.
Statement of Faith
- In the Holy Trinity – God the Father, Jesus the Son and The Holy Spirit the Guide (John 10:30, Galatians 13:14, 1 John 5:7, Matthew 28:19)
- That the Bible is the inerrant, authoritative Word of God (Matthew 5:18, John 17:17)
- That Jesus died on the cross to redeem the sins of mankind, and to restore the broken relationship between man and God. Jesus was crucified, resurrected and now sits at the Right Hand of the Father in heaven (John 16:16-24, Mark 15:20, Matthew 28:1-7)
- In the necessity and effectiveness of prayer as the primary means of communication with God (James 5:16)